


The Kiss

by BlackVelvet42



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 21:25:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14723864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVelvet42/pseuds/BlackVelvet42
Summary: "Of all the kisses she had received in her life, it had never occurred to her that the most momentous would be offered to her in the end."





	The Kiss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Helen8462](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helen8462/gifts).



> For Helen. “Happy isn’t realistic.”
> 
> Thank you MiaCooper for the brilliant beta.  
> And thank you Ariella884 for the medical expertise (yes, you helped me kill our beloved).

 

* * *

  

_Glazed eyes, void of sight, a tear on cooling skin._

_A love barely awakened, buried into an endless night._

_Along with a secret, too long kept, forever sealed in a quiet heart._

 

* * *

 

 

She remembered well her first, given with more enthusiasm than skill. And the reckless scene with a stranger in the dark alley, as dangerous as it was arousing. And, of course, the one gifted to her with a diamond ring, full of tender promises.

Of all the kisses she had received in her life, it had never occurred to her that the most momentous would be offered to her in the end.

Crash-landed on an alien planet, waiting for their distress call to be answered, with no obvious reason to break the boundary they had respected for years.

She rested on the ground where he had carefully laid her, steadying her breathing after the impact and exertion, considering the different aches and soreness all over her body, none appearing urgent.

He reached over her to place his jacket under her head for comfort, murmuring reassuring words more out of habit than necessity, his fingers brushing her shoulder like they so often did on board Voyager.

There was nothing exceptional about the contact. Personal space between them had long ago reduced if not vanished, yet in that moment, the sight of him hovering over her made her acutely aware of his closeness.

Maybe what followed was a natural result of the circumstances. The shock subsiding and relief taking over. The seclusion and distance from duty providing the opportunity. The lush heat and noises of the wilderness around them awakening needs they had long forced dormant.

Whatever the reasons, the result felt all but predestined.

She needed only to tilt her head and see him looking down at her, and their lips found each other with the ease of falling rain.

Over the years her gaze had caressed his face countless times, stealing forbidden glances whenever she could, drinking in his shape, texture, and tone. Detail by detail, the image of him had grown vivid and strong, into an entity painted behind her lids. Her secret, her guilty pleasure, ever-present.

The first intimate touch of him reminded her of a dream, where reality had been broken down into a million familiar elements and then compiled again into something more than the sum of its parts, unveiling his true nature.

The softness of his full lips should not have surprised her, nor the warmth of his fingers, trembling as they came to worship the side of her face. She had imagined he would be exactly like this, passionate and gentle, but the feel of him exceeded her every expectation.

The act was so simple, almost chaste, yet the sensations evoked a surge of emotion and a swell of arousal deep within. Her shivering sigh of delight flowed into the air, raw and sensuous, declaring without pretense what she had kept hidden.

Amazed at the intensity, they pulled apart and regarded each other, admitting the most basic of truths: that their togetherness was a long-awaited wish come into existence, melting away years of shattered hopes and caged desire in one breathtaking instant.

The world narrowed down to dark eyes and heated skin, his pulse pounding strong and vital under her palms. Words were unnecessary as her fingers trailed from his chest and curled around his neck, drawing him closer into her, into time slipping away unnoticed.

He was all she could think of. His low growl vibrating down her spine and into her core, an ancient sound calling her to surrender and open herself to him. His scent filling her lungs and mind, his tongue sliding to twine together with hers, tasting like earth and air, like home and adventure, all at once.

And when he moved to cover her body with his, dominating and sheltering, she welcomed his weight with overwhelming joy, their bodies coming into bloom at the contact.

Unaware that hers was already withering away.

The spell was broken by a wave of throbbing ache pushing past the bliss.

She winced and groaned, but above all, she cursed the frailty of her body. After serving her so well and carrying her through much worse, how dare it betray her at such a significant moment?

Immediately, he drew back and furrowed his brow, suspicious from experience, from too many wounds concealed in the past.

Recognizing his need for certainty, she allowed his bold hands to search her. Technology unavailable, he examined with his senses, gently pressing bones and tissue, peeling away layers of clothes, and eventually revealing the injury she had either not noticed, or had chosen to ignore.

Disbelief and horror coloring his features, he stared at the purple swell on the side of her belly. She didn’t need to see the mark herself to understand, as he was beginning to, all the implications it held.

The impending sequence of events lurked at the edge of her mind, but she refused to acknowledge them, refused to affirm, that time and space were inexorably escaping her.

Instead, she dragged his mouth to hers, greedy for him and life and all the years she was meant to have ahead of her. As if her willpower alone could change the unchangeable and somehow make real the dream she had decided to postpone, to serve as a beacon and a source of strength until they were home.

Although he complied and sank onto her, hungry, almost furious, his lips no longer spilled the joy of discovery or passion reaching out to the future.

That innocence was replaced with a fierce resistance and a desperate struggle to hold on to the present, to prolong the passing seconds if not into years, then even into precious minutes, savored like all things transient, to the fullest.

Crushing her weakening body to his, he threaded his fingers into her hair, pulled and plunged, claiming her swollen lips over and over, sucking her essence from the moist depths of her, raging against the inevitable.

Unable and unwilling to move, she only clutched to him through his despair and fury, grateful for his vigor that almost made her forget the ebbing of her own. She let the storm inside him batter them both, savage, wild, and without hope, without any other destination but to eventually find a calm.

The second time she flinched and whimpered at the burn ripping inside, he startled away from her, gasping for air as if surfacing from an abyss.

Eyes wide, he absorbed the paleness of her skin, the fine sheen of sweat on her forehead, and the continuous tremble in her limbs. The diminishing of her life force making her appear smaller than she had ever been.

On his face, she saw the darkness approaching, too sudden and too soon. Shadows settled in her chest despite her resistance, grasping and twisting, bringing forth a fear she had never encountered.

The words refused to form, but he heard her anyway, her silent plea to keep her close. Even the slightest distance from his warmth gave room to a possibility she dreaded even more than the outcome.

Before the end would set her free, she might break.

He bent down to reclaim her mouth, but she found his touch had altered again. All fight had fled from him, the warrior defeated by what could not be vanquished, left only with sorrow and an emerging acceptance.

The realization choked her. He was already saying goodbye, letting her go, and bracing himself to continue in this existence while she was forced to move on to the next.

She hated him for that easy acceptance with all her remaining fire. How could he give up on her while her arms were still wrapped around him, her hot breath mingling with his?

On the heels of her anger came bitterness at the utter injustice of having to leave when her life was still incomplete. She had the galaxy to explore, duties to fulfill, happiness to pursue. She had always expected more, believed she had more time.

The questions rushed into her mind. Questions she had avoided asking herself.

If she had known the number of her days, would she have taken other paths? Would she have seen more in him than a temptation too dangerous to consider? Would she have been brave enough to take a step further with him? At the very least, would she have found her voice to simply tell him the secret she had kept for so long?

A stray drop fell on her cheek and pulled her out of her spiral of regret and self-pity, turning her focus back to him, the only one who truly mattered anymore.

His lips had stiffened against hers and he swallowed hard, forcing his tears and turbulent emotions under control, to keep himself strong for her, if only for a while longer.

As clear as if it was written before her, she saw the string of years ahead.

After she was gone, he would take her place as captain and pledge himself to fulfill the mission weighing heavy on his command. Unwavering, he would guide their crew forward through the loss and the long travel, make the decisions and sacrifices required.

But this moment he would keep to himself.

Only in solitude would he bare the fragile pieces of this hour, treasure each torturous detail like sharp-edged diamonds and cherish the scars they left behind. And if he was anything like her, he would rather drown with this memory than allow any kind of empathy or insight to touch the wounds he held close to his heart.

Rank would ensure him that privacy, but she knew it was a double-edged sword. And while she understood his destiny was no longer under her influence, she hoped he would allow himself more than the isolation and loneliness she had personally settled for.

Absorbed in each other and in the embrace that revealed more than had ever been spoken between them, seconds ticked away undetected, the scale slowly tipping.

Her soothing caress on the back of his neck froze mid-move, her hands slid and dropped to the ground, against her wish. The numbness that had begun with a tingle had spread to every muscle and joint, draining all strength, overcoming all will.

Uninvited but expected, the moment had arrived, in a cascade of sensations rolling over her one after the other. Her breathing faltered and turned shallow, her vision blurring. Dizziness was taking over, her consciousness vacillating between lucidity and confusion.

Overtaking it all was the cold, absolute and infinite, devouring her whole.

And when the next surge of pain flared from her gut, exceeding any she could have imagined, lighting her nerves to a final blaze and spurring her heart to a last wild flutter, she had no power left to fight.

Courage. Determination. Resilience.

All the threads that had ever held her together dissolving, fleeting, leaving her empty and defenseless. 

No matter how hard she had struggled for dignity and achievement in life, there was none to be found in this death. No worth, no significance, only a slow decline and passing away on a desert planet, without battle or sacrifice.

Through the violent shudders and cries she could not suppress, she sensed his presence. Holding her tight, offering his strength and his peace and his assurance that she would soon find a place to rest.

Lost in the whirlwind of pain and fear without shape, she clung to his voice, anchoring her, supporting her across another unknown, just as he had done every day since they had met.

Fading away to eternity, the last she took with her from this world was his firm whisper close to her ear, telling her she had been loved, completely and without exceptions, his unwavering devotion echoing throughout the shreds of her being.

But instead of serenity, it kindled a silent scream slicing her mind, for more time, more valuable time to tell h –

 

∞

 


End file.
